A Menopause & Malarkey Field Guide
The Photos Mom Warned You About
🚩 Dating App Edition
Menopause & Malarkey
Whilst perusing through Match profiles, I landed on one that caught my eye.
Not because he was, as my daughter says, “not ugly.”
Not because his bio was charming. (It consisted of one sentence. That’s it.)
Not because my heart skipped a beat.
It was because if you looked up “The most overused profile pictures men use on the dating apps” in M&M’s Guidebook to Swiping Left — this gentleman would be the poster boy.
The Fish 🐟
I have no clue as to how that relates to dating.
The fish is not the problem.
The grip, the pose, and the “this defines me” energy are.
If your personality requires gills, we are not compatible.
The Flex 💪
No, we do not see your eyes.
Mirror.
Tank top.
Lighting from the underworld.
Sir, I did not ask to attend your workout performance review.
The Fedora 🎩
Ah yes.
The fedora.
Often paired with:
• a bathroom
• a vest
• confidence disproportionate to reality
This hat has seen things. None of them were good decisions.
The Combo Meal Nobody Ordered ☠️
When The Fish, The Flex, and The Fedora appear in the same profile…
That’s not coincidence.
That’s a warning label.
The Real Issue
This isn’t about looks.
It’s about self-awareness.
If every photo screams “Please be impressed,”
I already know I’ll be tired.
M&M Rule
If you wouldn’t send the photo to your daughter,
your sister,
or your mother…
Maybe don’t make it your dating profile.
In Conclusion …
Dating apps are not a costume party.
You do not need props.
Just clarity.
Effort.
And at least one photo in which I can see your eyes.
— Menopause & Malarkey
© 2025 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.
Menopause & Malarkey 