Category: Menopause & Mischief

Dating After Dignity · Menopause & Mischief · Red Flags & Walking Punchlines

Midweek Malarkey: Tony and the Tub Time Twist

Heather KightLeave a comment
Square graphic for Menopause & Malarkey’s “Midweek Malarkey: The Blooper Reel of Modern Romance.” Coral and cream text on a charcoal background with playful design accents and tagline, “Because every near-miss deserves a laugh.”

It’s kinda sad that all I had to do was open Match and start scrolling.

Today’s “Ah, man, I was rooting for you!” award goes to Tony, age 50.

Initial reaction:

Photos? ✔️

Location? ✔️

Complete bio? ✔️

Compatible? ✔️

My thumb was about to swipe Tony into the digital land of possibility when I read it.

The prompt:

“For me, a good day isn’t complete without …”

The answer:

“My dog and a hot bath.”

Now, perhaps he meant to type, “spending time with my dog — I also like to relax later on with a hot bath.”

Perhaps.

But all I can picture is a sturdy, six-foot gentleman surrounded by bubbles, sipping a glass of wine, and locking eyes with his faithful pup across the tub. In complete, candlelit silence.

Don’t you dare deny it — you pictured it too.

Playful cartoon illustration in coral, cream, and charcoal colors for Menopause & Malarkey. A bald man with a goatee relaxes in a large bubble bath, holding a glass of wine, while his dog sits across from him in the tub surrounded by bubbles and a rubber duck. Caption reads, “For me, a good day isn’t complete without… my dog and a hot bath.”

And somewhere in that sudsy, surreal moment, my finger found its way back to safety. Swipe left, my friends. Swipe left.

Because in the dating world, there’s clean … and then there’s too clean. 🛁🐾

© 2025 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.

Square graphic for Menopause & Malarkey’s Mischief Monday post titled “When Creativity Ate My Dinner.” Coral and cream text on a charcoal background with a playful image of a cheesesteak, sweet potato fries, and a notebook. Tagline reads, “When the muse wins and the meal loses.” The Sonnet of The Soggy Fries
Menopause & Mischief

The Sonnet of The Soggy Fries

Heather KightLeave a comment

🍟 Mischief Monday: When Creativity Ate My Dinner

It all started innocently enough: I sat down to write just one more paragraph. You know, the famous last words of every writer who’s ever burned a meal, missed a meeting, or forgotten her own name.

Somewhere between “this line could be funnier” and “I should proofread that one more time,” my dinner arrived — a glorious cheesesteak and sweet-potato-fries combo, still sizzling when it landed on my doorstep.

And there it sat.

For forty.
Whole.
Minutes.

I only remembered when Phoebe and Maggie started their pre-walk wiggle dance, and I opened the door to what can only be described as a tragic culinary crime scene.

Cold cheese. Congealed grease. Fries that had given up all will to live.

It wasn’t dinner anymore — it was a cautionary tale.

💡 The Lesson (If We Can Call It That)

Writing can feed the soul, but it also starves the body. Somewhere out there, a DoorDash driver thinks I’m dead, and honestly, I can’t even be mad about it.

Because when the words come, you chase them. Even if that means eating sweet-potato fries that are soggy with regret.

✍️ Moral of the Story

The next time you tell yourself, “I’ll grab my food in a minute,” remember: a minute in writer-time equals forty in real-world minutes.

Still, I’ll take cold fries and a good paragraph over hot food and no ideas any day.

Menopause & Malarkey
Because sometimes inspiration strikes… and dinner dies. 💋

© 2025 Menopause & Malarkey — Where Experience Meets Exasperation.