Mind Your Business, Mr. Bond
Every now and then, the apps present a man who seems less like a potential date and more like an audition tape.
Ladies, meet:
“The Man Who Wants You to Say ‘Hi’ — and Nothing Else.”
🎩 The Photos
We’re treated to a three-act visual experience:
- Formal suit, pocket square, intense stare
– James Bond energy
– But like… the villain who gets caught monologuing - Tuxedo at night, harsh lighting
– Not “date night”
– Very much “last known photo before the plot twist” - Car selfie with eyes that say “You noticed me.”
– Sir. I did not ask to be noticed this way.
The Bio (Where Things Take a Turn)
Let’s highlight a few selections from the Gentleman’s Handbook of Red Flags:
“My love language is quality time and physical touch.”
Translation: If you’ve got the time, I’ve got the touch.
“I give awesome hugs and am a great kisser 💋”
I expected to see, “References provided upon request.”
“Let’s not learn everything about one another right now.”
Based on what I’ve read thus far, you’d rather take your lip balm for a test run.
“If you’re just looking for a chat buddy, I’m not the one.”
Oh, honey, you’re not “the one” for so many reasons.
🧳 Occupation:
Professional at: Mind Your Business
In the immortal words of renowned philosopher Charles Brown: “Good grief.”
Final Verdict
This is not James Bond.
This is not the hero.
This is the guy Bond throws off a balcony in Monaco while adjusting his cufflinks.
Carry on, Moneypenny. 🍸
© 2025 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.
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