If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, allow me to assure you:
I did not fall in love, run away to Scotland, or get abducted by a man with a fish photo and unearned confidence.
I moved.
Which means my life recently consisted of cardboard boxes, donation piles, sore muscles, and that specific kind of exhaustion where even your thoughts need a nap.
But there’s another reason for the quiet.
I stopped looking at the apps.
Not dramatically.
Not with my own personal declaration of independence.
I just… didn’t open them.
And friends, let me tell you something shocking:
Nothing bad happened.
No missed soulmate notifications.
No algorithm-induced heartbreak.
No urgent need to evaluate a man’s relationship with punctuation, hats, or freshwater bass.
Instead, I unpacked.
I breathed.
I laughed at things that didn’t involve a dating profile promising “hot fun” like it was a Groupon.
And when I did peek back in recently?
Oh, my stars and garters.
The apps were exactly as I left them.
Still confidently delivering men who:
✅️Think “chemistry” is something you spray on
✅️Believe three-word profiles count as a personality
✅️Are one midnight message away from a public safety announcement
✅️Look like they accidentally photo-bombed a picture of their bathroom sinks
Meanwhile, the ads have escalated. 🙄
Everywhere I look is a suspiciously ripped silver fox who absolutely does not exist, staring into the camera like an AI Romeo.
Well, maybe like Romeo’s AI grandpa.
At some point I had to ask myself:
Is this dating… or performance art? 🤔
So consider this post a reset.
No pressure.
No promises.
No pretending I’ve been “actively looking” when I’ve actually been actively choosing peace, furniture placement, and sleep.
Menopause & Malarkey isn’t going anywhere.
Red Flag Friday will return.
Mischief Monday is stretching and hydrating.
I’m still here.
Still observant.
Still amused.
Just a little more unpacked — literally and figuratively.
Carry on. 😌🔥
© 2026 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.
Menopause & Malarkey 