© 2025 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.
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Tag: DatingAfter40
🚩Red Flag Friday: The Keith Sweat-ing Glamour Cowboy Edition🤠
Brought to you by Menopause & Malarkey — where the flags are many and the patience is limited.
Ladies… I present to you a man who is:
“Boss at Self-Employed”
(Translation: The boss, the employee, the HR department, and also currently on an unpaid lunch break… indefinitely.)
80 miles away but behaving like we’re all just out here ready to road-trip for romance like it’s 1995.
And — be still my heart — his entire music section is Keith Sweat.
Not a sprinkle.
Not a vibe.
Not a nostalgic “one song on a playlist.”
No, ma’am.
Keith. Sweat. Or. Bust.
This man is out here preparing to beg somebody through a cassette deck.
But wait… the photos.
Ohhh, the photos.
We have:
• The Glamour Cowboy:
A wide-brimmed hat, aviators, and a shirt so bright it’s gotta wear shades.
He’s giving “Line dancing at noon, sermon at three, vibes by Keith Sweat at five.”
• The Close-Up That Didn’t Need to Be a Close-Up:
Half a forehead.
Part of a visor.
A sprinkle of existential dread.
Thank you for this offering.
• The Truck Cab Philosophical Hour:
“Cool drama free cool as a fan”
(Sir… you wrote “cool” twice. And for that reason alone, I have questions.)
And yet — YET — the best part?
He proudly lists Beauty as an interest.
BEAUTY.
Dude, you are Keith-Sweat-ing in a Ford F-150 with an Instagram filter from 2013.
—
Verdict:
🚩🚩🚩MULTIPACK RED FLAGS.
We’re talking Costco-level quantities.
Would I swipe right?
No.
Would I make a meme out of him?
Already did.
Others come with Keith Sweat, a cowboy hat, and a mysterious lack of tax documents.
Choose wisely. 😔🔥
© 2025 Heather Nicole Kight – Menopause & Malarkey. All rights reserved.
🧨 Red Flag Friday: Attackmewityrlov (and Apparently, with Punctuation)
Every once in a while, a dating profile comes along that makes you question everything you thought you knew about grammar, humanity, and personal hygiene.
Enter Attackmewityrlov.
Age 55.
Gallery selfie: aisle three of what appears to be a Walmart.
Username: a vowel-deprived cry for help.
The man’s profile opens with a flourish of exclamation points and… well, mostly exclamation points:
“I am a loyal clean man, never had a STD!!! I only need one Woman that’s clean and STD and drugs free!! Must be loyal!!”
Sir, blink twice if your keyboard is being held hostage.
Let’s unpack this, shall we?
🚩 1. The “Clean” Obsession
If the first thing you tell me is that you’ve “never had an STD,” I’m not impressed — I’m concerned that you think that’s the opening pitch.
It’s like showing up to a job interview and proudly announcing, “I’ve never been arrested.”
When someone leads with “clean,” it’s not confidence — it’s a red flag disguised as a Clorox wipe.
🚩 2. The Grammar Crimes
The capitalization is chaotic. The punctuation is panicked.
Somewhere, an English teacher is shaking her head and whispering, “Not like this.”
Gentlemen, three exclamation points do not make a personality. They make a migraine.
🚩 3. The Missing Context
Where’s your sense of humor? Your hobbies? Your story?
“Must be loyal!!” tells me nothing about your character, but everything about your trust issues.
A dating bio should be a snapshot of you — not a commandment list for whoever swipes next.
💡 A Modest Proposal
Men, if you’re reading this:
Start with why you’re here, not what you’re afraid of.
Tell me about your favorite meal, your dog, or the last time you laughed until you cried. (Preferably not during an STD screening.)
We don’t need perfection. We need a glimpse of real.
🎬 Final Thoughts
Attackmewityrlov, wherever you are, I genuinely hope you find your loyal, clean, drug-free woman.
But maybe also a friend who can proofread.
Until then, the rest of us will be over here — swiping past chaos, sipping coffee, and wondering how many exclamation points it takes to summon a relationship.
Menopause & Malarkey 