Canine Chronicles · Menopause & Mischief · The Front Porch Swing

Domestic Survival Logs: Weather Edition


Picture it: Grayson, 2026.
Thursday morning.


Our heroine is ready for work on time. A rare and glorious achievement.


All that remains is the simple task of walking the dogs.
Simple.


Dogs leashed.
Door opened.
Rain.
Not a polite drizzle.
Not a gentle mist.
No.
The sky chose violence.


Now begins the delicate ballet of holding two leashes while attempting to open the coat closet and retrieve an umbrella from the top shelf, because apparently I believe in living dangerously before coffee.


At this moment the household divides.


Maggie (15-pound Chunkhuahua):
Sees rain.
Immediately aborts mission.
Sprints back toward the living room — leash still firmly attached to my hand.


Phoebe (Her Highness of Welsh Corgihood):
Bladder urgency has reached critical levels.
She charges for the yard like a tiny four-legged torpedo.


Meanwhile I am stretching on tiptoe, grabbing the umbrella with my fingertips like a contestant in America’s Next Top Disaster.


Physics intervenes.
The umbrella is acquired.
My balance is not.
I am pulled toward Maggie.


The front door slams.
Phoebe is outside.
Maggie is inside.
I am standing in the doorway of my life choices.


So naturally I scoop up the 15-pound Chunkhuahua, juggle both dog and umbrella, reopen the door, and yell across the complex:


“PHOEBE!”


Phoebe pauses.
Turns.
Looks back at me.


The look says three things:
💠I heard you.
💠I acknowledge that you are yelling.
💠Biological processes outrank your panic.


She resumes her mission.


I chase after her, literally putting my best foot forward (on the flapping leash), finally open the umbrella, and the morning’s hydration event begins.

Cartoon illustration of a woman standing in a rainstorm looking exasperated while holding a small Chihuahua and an umbrella as a corgi runs away with a pink leash through puddles.
Some mornings build character.
This one built a drinking habit. ☕️🌧️🐶


Dogs make water.
Sky makes water.
Mission accomplished.


We return inside where both dogs immediately present themselves for treat compensation for their bravery during the storm.


Treats are dispensed.


Maggie returns to Blanket Mountain, burrowing so completely that only the occasional nose or butt emerges from the fleece bunker.


Phoebe, concerned about the thunder, receives a hemp treat and then supervises the house like the dignified elder she is.


Before leaving for work, I straighten the pillows on my side of the bed and lay my sweatshirt in the spot.


Phoebe hops up.
Circles.
Settles in.
And gives me the softest little look of gratitude. 🐶❤️


Which is how a morning that began with chaos, rain, leashes, and umbrella combat ends with something quieter:


A corgi on a pillow.
My sweatshirt under her chin.
And the comforting knowledge that when I come home tonight…
Two dogs will be on the couch waiting for walks, dinner, and my presence.


Also probably more treats.

Scratch that. Definitely more treats.

©️2026 Heather Nicole Kight. All rights reserved.

Menopause & Mischief

The Sonnet of The Soggy Fries

🍟 Mischief Monday: When Creativity Ate My Dinner

It all started innocently enough: I sat down to write just one more paragraph. You know, the famous last words of every writer who’s ever burned a meal, missed a meeting, or forgotten her own name.

Somewhere between “this line could be funnier” and “I should proofread that one more time,” my dinner arrived — a glorious cheesesteak and sweet-potato-fries combo, still sizzling when it landed on my doorstep.

And there it sat.

For forty.
Whole.
Minutes.

I only remembered when Phoebe and Maggie started their pre-walk wiggle dance, and I opened the door to what can only be described as a tragic culinary crime scene.

Cold cheese. Congealed grease. Fries that had given up all will to live.

It wasn’t dinner anymore — it was a cautionary tale.


💡 The Lesson (If We Can Call It That)

Writing can feed the soul, but it also starves the body. Somewhere out there, a DoorDash driver thinks I’m dead, and honestly, I can’t even be mad about it.

Because when the words come, you chase them. Even if that means eating sweet-potato fries that are soggy with regret.


✍️ Moral of the Story

The next time you tell yourself, “I’ll grab my food in a minute,” remember: a minute in writer-time equals forty in real-world minutes.

Still, I’ll take cold fries and a good paragraph over hot food and no ideas any day.


Menopause & Malarkey
Because sometimes inspiration strikes… and dinner dies. 💋

© 2025 Menopause & Malarkey — Where Experience Meets Exasperation.