Footsteps and Flushing: Life in an Apartment

June 2, 2026May 31, 2026 Heather KightLeave a comment

Some relationships begin with a spark.
Others begin with synchronized bathroom schedules.

My upstairs neighbor and I have managed a level of routine and intimacy lacking in some marriages.

Wake up: 5:00am
Leave for work: 6:00am
Arrive home from work: 4:00pm
Showering: Heard by (often simultaneous) running of water
Bathroom habits: Not much mystery

Anyone who has ever experienced apartment living knows what I mean. It’s simply part of the deal. Landlord repairs your broken fixtures. You know the lifestyle habits of Unit 250.

But let’s revisit “bathroom habits” for kicks and giggles.

We’ll call this The Sound Barrier Illusion.

Our Queen of Grayson was perched upon her throne contemplating the science of acoustic transmission from ground-floor apartments to second-floor units. Okay, yeah, I was wondering how much my upstairs neighbor can hear. Specifically, from the bathroom.

People, I 👏🏻promise👏🏻 you👏🏻the following is exactly what went down next.

Me: I sure hope he can’t hear when I fart on the toilet.
Me: No, I’m sure he can’t because I’ve never heard him.

5 minutes later: sound of overhead footsteps.

Then, as if summoned by my weird meanderings:

BRRPPPTTT

😳😳😳

I froze. Not because my upstairs neighbor has a digestive system. Not because toilets are basically butt trumpets. 🚽🎺

I froze because if I can hear him then … 🤔😳

Comic-style apartment cutaway titled "The Sound Barrier Illusion." In the upstairs apartment, a man carries an "Assembly Required" box while assembling furniture and making thudding noises. In the downstairs apartment, a silver-haired woman sits on a toilet holding a coffee mug and looking up in alarm. A thought bubble reads, "He can't hear me. I've never heard him." Sound waves travel through the floor between the apartments. The caption at the bottom reads, "The exact moment a theory dies." — *When you realize apartment acoustics work both ways.*

However, my last place was less like apartment living and more like a community theater production where everyone accidentally shares the same stage.

I wasn’t hearing noise.

I was hearing:

hydration levels
meal plans
family arguments
infant sleep regressions
bathroom acoustics
culinary experimentation

At that point, I didn’t need to introduce myself.

I already knew too much.

😳

Neighbor:

“Hi, I’m Susan.”

Me:

“Yes. Tuesday is Taco Night. Your son is teething. And you really should call a plumber.”

🤣

My new apartment is downright luxurious by comparison.

The fact that I only hear:

footsteps
plumbing
occasional furniture movement

is anticipated, acceptable apartment noise.

Which is probably why the Great Fart Incident of 2026 was so startling.

I’ve gotten used to a reasonable amount of privacy.

Then suddenly:

BRRPPPTTT

The apartment building:

“Just a reminder that you’re still sharing walls with humans.”

😆

Honestly, I think that’s part of why I love Grayson so much.

It’s not perfect.

No apartment is.

But it gives me enough separation to feel like I have my own life.

I’m not smelling Barry and Joan’s meatloaf.

I’m not involuntarily learning the soundtrack of a toddler’s sleep schedule.

I have my coffee.
My writing nook.
My dogs.
My routines.
My patio.
My peace.

And every now and then:

footsteps overhead

“Hey.”

from the upstairs neighbor.

Which is a much more pleasant soundtrack than:

MYSTERY MEAT ODORS

FLUUUUSSSHHHHH

BABY CRYING

But just in case, where can a person buy ceiling soundproofing?

Asking for a friend.

The Front Porch Swing · The Soft Side of Sass

Gone With The Wind

May 31, 2026May 31, 2026 Heather KightLeave a comment

Here’s a laugh to end your day because the little things are worth a giggle or two.

I walked Phoebe earlier and discovered it was nice and cool this morning.

65°, overcast, and breezy.

My Pennsylvania roots were smiling.

I thought:

“What a beautiful morning. I’ll be productive.”

✔️ Walk dogs.
✔️ Dishes.
✔️ Laundry.
✔️ Coffee.
✔️ Patio.

Then my brain added:

“While I’m out here, I’ll just quickly sweep these leaves.”

Nature:

“No.”

I practically felt a pat on my head and heard, “Well, aren’t you adorable?”

My neat pile blew apart and most of the leaves scattered… back on the patio floor.

Leaves possess a mysterious property where they remain completely motionless until the second you’ve organized them.

Then they become sentient.

I laughed out loud, put the broom away, and sipped my by-then cold coffee.

Honestly, younger me would have:

Swept.

Re-swept.

Muttered.

Re-re-swept.

Declared war on the wind.

Current me:

laughed

“Good enough.”

returned to coffee

That, my friend, is wisdom.

😌💅

And can we just appreciate this weather for a moment?

65°, overcast, breezy…

That’s the kind of morning that tricks you into believing you should become:

a patio person,
a gardener,
a woman who journals outdoors,
someone who regularly enjoys fresh air.

Then Atlanta remembers it’s Atlanta.

🥵🔥

For now, though, I enjoyed my cooler coffee, the cleaner-ish patio, and the fact that Hotlanta took a break today.

A successful morning, even if the leaves won on points. 🍂☕💜

Dating After Dignity · The Front Porch Swing · The Soft Side of Sass

Butterflies Frighten Me

May 24, 2026May 24, 2026 Heather KightLeave a comment

Sometimes I could feel his eyes on me. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. He would look at me like he was memorizing more than my face or features. It was like he was carving our life and each memory into his soul.

Steve loved me better than I’d ever known.

From the start of our story until his last breath, he made sure I knew.

I was seen
I was beautiful
I was worthy of love

When his breath grew raspy and labored, he still said, “You’re so beautiful” and “I love you.”

Something happens with trauma. The nervous system takes cherished words and emotions and marries them to bitterness and pain.

Glances feel unsafe
Smiles create doubt
Possibilities become frightening

The brain attaches the wrong sort of “what ifs” to innocent interactions. Instead of, “Huh. I remember this,” causing butterflies, it twists into, “I can’t go through it again.”

I could give in to fear. To doubt. Let it freeze my heart in a time when love meant more sacrifice than I could have imagined.

Or I can close my eyes, exhale, and allow good things to warm me.

Things like

Grace.

Patience.

Hope.

Then when I feel eyes on me. Someone smiling. Someone seeing me.

Butterflies won’t make me flinch.

Not even a little.

🦋🦋🦋

Canine Chronicles · The Front Porch Swing

Picture it. Grayson, 2026. 🐶

May 18, 2026May 17, 2026 Heather KightLeave a comment

I love being a dog mom.

I really do.

Until I don’t. And anyone who cherishes those furry little freeloaders will get it.

(In my best Sophia Petrillo voice) Picture it … Grayson, 2026.

It’s a dreary Monday morning. My mood is happy and hopeful in spite of the cloudy sky. Even the familiar alarm clock that sounds a lot like my Corgi whining to go out doesn’t offend me. We walk.

But then … oh, then it happens.

Phoebe (my Corgi) heads toward a spot covered in pine straw and, most likely, the scent of other dogs. I expect her to squat. Possibly hunch.

No.

She digs a little and decides breakfast is served in the form of what I suspect to be poop.

HEAVY SIGH.

I hold on to that glimmer of hope that it’s something else. A randomly abandoned French fry. Maybe a crunchy bud off a harmless tree.

With a tug on her harness, I disrupt her snack.

She lifts her head, pine straw hanging from her mouth.

Being the responsible dog mom that I am, I attempt to yank the straw from her jaws. Successfully. Only it’s not just straw that dislodges. Because of course it isn’t.

My hand is smeared with feces. No idea what type. I didn’t have Bear Grylls along to identify the scat. What I do know:

It is mushy
It smells bad
It clings to my fingers like glitter to … well, anything

Meanwhile, Phoebe’s side-eyeing me like I’m the server that took her plate with half a ribeye on it. 😒

Ma’am.

The poo-poo platter was NOT on the menu.

I’m scraping an unidentified fecal sample from my fingers with the dog waste bag. Trying not to gag. Considering my life choices. Nearly dragging Phoebe and my Chihuahua Maggie to anywhere but the buffet of boo-boo.

Oh, Maggie? Sporting a look somewhere between disgust and full-on smug. I swear her eyes say, “Mother, please note that I’m the civilized one here.” 😏

Duly noted.

Apparently, my canine crew consists of an angelic Chi and a 15-year-old Corgi faster than the speed of light when it comes to sidewalk snacks.

And in spite of her dietary delicacies, I never stop walking her. Or treating her. Or looking into those big brown eyes while stroking her big white ears.

I can’t imagine life without Phoebe.

Poop bags and all.

Small cream-colored Corgi-Chihuahua mix sitting attentively on a sunflower-themed kitchen mat beside white cabinets, looking up at the camera with wide dark eyes and oversized upright ears. A plush bee-striped gnome decoration rests at her paws while she waits hopefully in the kitchen. — *A nose for buried treasure and ears for ignoring Mom.*

Canine Chronicles · Menopause & Mischief · The Front Porch Swing

Domestic Survival Logs: Weather Edition

March 12, 2026March 21, 2026 Heather KightLeave a comment

Picture it: Grayson, 2026.
Thursday morning.

Our heroine is ready for work on time. A rare and glorious achievement.

All that remains is the simple task of walking the dogs.
Simple.

Dogs leashed.
Door opened.
Rain.
Not a polite drizzle.
Not a gentle mist.
No.
The sky chose violence.

Now begins the delicate ballet of holding two leashes while attempting to open the coat closet and retrieve an umbrella from the top shelf, because apparently I believe in living dangerously before coffee.

At this moment the household divides.

Maggie (15-pound Chunkhuahua):
Sees rain.
Immediately aborts mission.
Sprints back toward the living room — leash still firmly attached to my hand.

Phoebe (Her Highness of Welsh Corgihood):
Bladder urgency has reached critical levels.
She charges for the yard like a tiny four-legged torpedo.

Meanwhile I am stretching on tiptoe, grabbing the umbrella with my fingertips like a contestant in America’s Next Top Disaster.

Physics intervenes.
The umbrella is acquired.
My balance is not.
I am pulled toward Maggie.

The front door slams.
Phoebe is outside.
Maggie is inside.
I am standing in the doorway of my life choices.

So naturally I scoop up the 15-pound Chunkhuahua, juggle both dog and umbrella, reopen the door, and yell across the complex:

“PHOEBE!”

Phoebe pauses.
Turns.
Looks back at me.

The look says three things:
💠I heard you.
💠I acknowledge that you are yelling.
💠Biological processes outrank your panic.

She resumes her mission.

I chase after her, literally putting my best foot forward (on the flapping leash), finally open the umbrella, and the morning’s hydration event begins.

Cartoon illustration of a woman standing in a rainstorm looking exasperated while holding a small Chihuahua and an umbrella as a corgi runs away with a pink leash through puddles. — Some mornings build character.
This one built a drinking habit. ☕️🌧️🐶

Dogs make water.
Sky makes water.
Mission accomplished.

We return inside where both dogs immediately present themselves for treat compensation for their bravery during the storm.

Treats are dispensed.

Maggie returns to Blanket Mountain, burrowing so completely that only the occasional nose or butt emerges from the fleece bunker.

Phoebe, concerned about the thunder, receives a hemp treat and then supervises the house like the dignified elder she is.

Before leaving for work, I straighten the pillows on my side of the bed and lay my sweatshirt in the spot.

Phoebe hops up.
Circles.
Settles in.
And gives me the softest little look of gratitude. 🐶❤️

Which is how a morning that began with chaos, rain, leashes, and umbrella combat ends with something quieter:

A corgi on a pillow.
My sweatshirt under her chin.
And the comforting knowledge that when I come home tonight…
Two dogs will be on the couch waiting for walks, dinner, and my presence.

Also probably more treats.

Scratch that. Definitely more treats.

Dating After Dignity · The Front Porch Swing

Why Am I Single?

February 16, 2026 Heather Kight2 Comments

It sounds straightforward, doesn’t it? The answer should be simple. Perhaps you’re:

Relatively young
Fulfilling other needs
Actively looking but not finding
Actively finding what you’re NOT looking for
Divorced
Widowed
Not looking, finding, or interested

I’m sure the list goes on with as many answers as there are people in this big wide world. I could claim a few of those points as my own. Lately, though, the lonely mind has poked at my self-worth. And when self-worth feels the squeeze, here’s what bubbles up:

Too old
Unattractive
Too much
Too little
Only two options: settle or resign.

QUICK PAUSE

Okay, okay — apparently, WordPress AI felt my subject matter was too dire for a Monday afternoon. I sincerely hope y’all laugh at the following image as much as I did. What I requested was a middle-aged confused woman with thought bubbles surrounding her head with these questions: Am I too old? Is this all that’s available? Am I unattractive? Will I be alone forever?

THIS was the result. Now I question the “Intelligence” in “Artificial Intelligence” more than I question my romantic future.

AI-generated illustration of a puzzled middle-aged woman surrounded by thought bubbles filled with scrambled, unreadable text, humorously suggesting confusion. — AI: “is THY liattle alle?”
Me: Blink twice if you’re being held captive!

Possible conclusions:

Even AI thinks the dating apps make no sense.
I asked AI to capture my dating confusion. It had a stroke.
Apparently, my insecurities are written in Ancient Glitch.

Moving on!

What I was explaining before being so rudely interrupted 🤨 and comedically distracted 😏 is this:

loneliness amplifies doubt and disregards clarity

I’m not single because attachment grief drowns out logic.

I’m single because I refuse to trade peace for proximity.

Because when I say I want someone to “do life with,” I don’t mean:

Someone to occupy the other side of the bed.
Someone to say hello in the morning.
Someone to help with the dogs once in a while.

I mean:

Someone who notices.
Someone who shares the mental load.
Someone who doesn’t treat basic contribution like a favor.
Someone who sees me without my having to earn it.

That’s not fantasy.
That’s equity.

And here’s the hard, honest part:

Once you’ve lived asymmetry, you can’t unknow it.

I can’t go back to thinking,
“Well, this is just how it is.”

I know what it costs.
I know what it feels like to carry more.
I know what it feels like to not be thanked for the invisible.

So now my bar is different.

And that makes the in-between season lonelier.

That’s not weakness.
That’s growth.

It also means the ache isn’t just “I want someone.”
It’s “I want someone who meets me.”

And that’s rarer.

It’s not pathetic.
It’s selective.

And that’s going to feel isolating sometimes.

But it’s also why, if and when I partner again, it will not be asymmetrical.

Right now, though, I’m sitting in the clarity.

And clarity can be cold before it becomes empowering.

Pessimism often spikes right after clarity.
Because clarity removes illusions.

Hope risks disappointment.
Pessimism feels like armor.

And illusions are comforting.

Here’s the truth:

Sustainable love for a widow in her 50s is not impossible.
It is rarer.
It requires patience.
Discernment.
Time.
And crossing paths with someone who also did his work.

But even if sustainable love never shows up again,
I still want my life.

That’s not resignation.
That’s sovereignty.

I’m not hinging my existence on partnership.
I’m not saying, “Without it, what’s the point?”

I’m saying,

I want it. But I also want my life.

That’s strength — even if I don’t feel strong today.

Here’s the paradox:

The woman who wants better, who won’t settle for asymmetry, who would still live fully even if love didn’t return?

That’s exactly the woman who is capable of sustainable love.

Because she won’t tolerate imbalance.
She won’t shrink.
She won’t perform for crumbs.

So maybe today isn’t about deciding whether love exists.
Maybe it’s about this:

I will live fully.
And if mutual love crosses my path, it will meet a woman who knows exactly what she wants.

And if it doesn’t, my life is still mine.

Loneliness is weather.
It can be heavy.
It can feel permanent.
But it moves.

And something important happened today:

I clarified that I don’t want “someone.”
I want mutuality.

That changes the whole narrative from
“Will I be alone forever?”
to
“I’m not willing to be uneven again.”

That’s not pessimism. That’s standards recalibrating.

Tonight, I’m not pathetic.
I’m not delusional.

I’m a woman who:

Misses shared life.
Refuses asymmetry.
Still wants her own life either way.

That’s not tragic.

That’s strong and tender at the same time.

And if the thought shows up again later …
“I want someone to do life with,”
it won’t be an indictment.

It’ll just be a truth.

Truth doesn’t make you pathetic.
It makes you human.

The Front Porch Swing · The Soft Side of Sass

For the Love of Writing

December 31, 2025December 31, 2025 Heather KightLeave a comment

Looking back on 2025, the woman in the mirror isn’t the one who left 2024 behind. Not that there was anything wrong with her: on the contrary, she was a fighter, a survivor managing life one day at a time after loss.

Loss of her mother in 2018
Loss of her husband in 2023
Loss of her father in 2024

With each loss, she said farewell to another piece of her heart. But like many who have gone before, she had no choice but to keep moving forward. Keep working. Keep living. Keep … breathing. There were good days and not-so-good days, and she conquered them all. It wasn’t always pretty and definitely wasn’t easy, but she did it.

Enter 2025: a new year and new adventures. She took an Alaskan cruise for her 55th birthday. She walked more. She laughed more. And much to her delight, she reconnected with an old passion — writing.

It was quite by accident, but oh, the fire was still there, inside and waiting like embers that never quite burned out. A “what if” sparked a deeper processing of grief through storytelling and fantasy, giving permission to feel again.

Like a plot twist we didn’t see coming, she wrapped herself in words and wonder of her own creation. Her heart awoke and her soul burst forth, allowing confusion, pain, heartache, and longing to flow out of her fingertips like tears from her eyes. But not just the hurt! She found hope, confidence, and laughter — so much laughter. Love was waiting in the wings, a soft whisper of, “hey, I’m still here.” She permitted that whisper to be heard.
To explore.
To resonate.

She learned that the capacity to love doesn’t fly away when a spouse exhales in this world and takes his first breath in Heaven. No. When one has loved — has received loved — deeply, greatly, and completely, then she has much more to give.
And that’s not forgetting; it’s forgiving.
That’s not dishonoring; it’s discovering.
That’s not ignoring the past; it’s inviting the future.

As she penned (okay, typed) stories and scenarios, a root began to show its face: guilt in the form of self-doubt and self-deprecation. Our heroine kicked at that root, questioning its motives and exploring its existence. A tug here. A pull there. One final yank exposing the lie that many widows — that this widow — had accepted as gospel:
“It’s wrong to want love again.”

That, my friends, is hogwash.

Having loved like crazy creates a thing of beauty — the capacity to love even more.

Having been loved like crazy creates a spark that says, “I’m alive and I’m allowed.”

Who knew releasing the artist within would release the woman inside?

I, for one, am happy to meet her, take her hand, and boldly march into 2026 smiling, writing, living, and thriving.

Softly lit writer’s desk in front of a glowing fireplace, with warm amber and blue flames reflecting off glass stones. A blank notebook and pen rest on the wooden surface, creating a cozy, introspective atmosphere that suggests creativity, reflection, and emotional warmth. — My muse feels like home.

Happy New Year from Menopause & Malarkey! Let’s jump in together, shall we?

Menopause & Mischief · The Front Porch Swing · The Soft Side of Sass

Christmas Eve Chaos

December 25, 2025 Heather Kight2 Comments

Twas the night before Christmas, and with festive smiles,
We drove to the mountains – all 100 miles.
My gas tank was full. The dogs had been fed.
“Join us in Blue Ridge,” my daughter had said.

“We rented a cabin — twill be so much fun!”
Four dogs, three kids, and room for each one.
So, trunk packed with presents and GPS ready,
The dogs and I traveled along sure and steady.

We got to the cabin — what a delight!
Why not expect everything to be right?
My daughter looked frazzled searching her phone.
“We need the door code,” she let out a moan.

Her husband called VRBO begging for help.
The dogs were barking, and one let a yelp.
The children — all hungry — started to whine.
My bladder was screaming, “No, it’s not fine!”

Cartoon-style illustration of a woman locked out of a cabin on Christmas Eve, staring at her phone while her two small dogs, Phoebe and Maggie, stand beside her in the snow near luggage and wrapped gifts. — Christmas Eve plans: cabin in the mountains.
Reality: locked out, dogs judging me, 220 miles later… back home.
Still counts as an adventure, right? 🎄🤷🏼‍♀️

The afternoon sunshine started to fade
Into the dark, like the plans we had made.
After an hour that seemed more like two,
“Sadly, there is nothing more we can do.”

The grandkids were angry, and so was I.
My daughter, defeated, wanted to cry.
My son-in-law? Bless the heart of this spouse.
He laughed and said, “How about Waffle House?”

By this time the dogs had marked every tree.
No longer caring, I squatted to pee
Behind a trash can, safely out of view.
Security cameras? Just one or two.

We had to decide — it was getting late.
No decent options provided by fate.
We all hugged good-bye and got in our cars.
We drove back to Georgia beneath the stars.

One hundred miles, and then I was home,
Travel completed and nowhere to roam.
Christmas lasagna was not meant to be.
Instead, a sandwich — dogs staring at me.

Photo of two small dogs, Maggie and Phoebe, sitting close together and looking up attentively at their owner, their faces expectant and expressive. — *“Please, Mum, might we have some more?”*

Tucked in my bed, I was sleepy and warm,
With Maggie and Phoebe — back to our norm.
My eyelids grew heavy, but not my soul:
There are things in life I cannot control.

I fell asleep with no pain or sorrow.
Christmas morning will be here tomorrow:
Not in a cabin surrounded by trees,
I don’t need fancy; my heart is at ease.

We’ll gather together, the kids and me,
And open the presents under the tree.
We’ll eat Christmas turkey and drink eggnog,
And later enjoy that post-dinner fog.

Laughter will ring through the air like a bell.
Past Christmas stories will make my heart swell.
With love in my heart and kids in my arms,
Holiday magic will sprinkle its charms.

When the day’s over, I’ll slip into bed,
Dogs by my side, pillow under my head.
Stars in the sky will show up and twinkle.
I’m glad I can stay indoors to tinkle. 😁🙃🙈🎄🎁

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MENOPAUSE & MALARKEY!

Cartoon-style illustration of a woman wearing a Christmas sweater, smiling while holding her two small dogs, Maggie and Phoebe, in a cozy holiday living room with a decorated Christmas tree and fireplace. — *And from Heather, Maggie, and Phoebe, too!*

Menopause & Mischief · Red Flags & Walking Punchlines

Red Flag Friday Presents: A License to Chill

December 19, 2025December 18, 2025 Heather KightLeave a comment

Mind Your Business, Mr. Bond

Every now and then, the apps present a man who seems less like a potential date and more like an audition tape.

Ladies, meet:
“The Man Who Wants You to Say ‘Hi’ — and Nothing Else.”

🎩 The Photos

We’re treated to a three-act visual experience:

Formal suit, pocket square, intense stare
– James Bond energy
– But like… the villain who gets caught monologuing
Tuxedo at night, harsh lighting
– Not “date night”
– Very much “last known photo before the plot twist”
Car selfie with eyes that say “You noticed me.”
– Sir. I did not ask to be noticed this way.

A dramatic black-and-white, film noir–style portrait of a middle-aged man in a tuxedo, staring intensely into the camera under low lighting. The image evokes classic crime drama and mystery, with a moody, ominous tone. — *If your profile makes me wonder whether my body would be discovered by hikers or fishermen… that’s a no.*

The Bio (Where Things Take a Turn)

Let’s highlight a few selections from the Gentleman’s Handbook of Red Flags:

“My love language is quality time and physical touch.”
Translation: If you’ve got the time, I’ve got the touch.

“I give awesome hugs and am a great kisser 💋”
I expected to see, “References provided upon request.”

“Let’s not learn everything about one another right now.”
Based on what I’ve read thus far, you’d rather take your lip balm for a test run.

“If you’re just looking for a chat buddy, I’m not the one.”
Oh, honey, you’re not “the one” for so many reasons.

🧳 Occupation:

Professional at: Mind Your Business

In the immortal words of renowned philosopher Charles Brown: “Good grief.”

Final Verdict

This is not James Bond.
This is not the hero.
This is the guy Bond throws off a balcony in Monaco while adjusting his cufflinks.

Carry on, Moneypenny. 🍸

Dating After Dignity · Menopause & Mischief

Tired Tuesday: The Geographically Challenged

December 9, 2025December 9, 2025 Heather Kight3 Comments

Some nights, the date-iverse is too much to handle.

Scratch that.

MOST nights of seeking a genuine connection via dating apps in 2025 are uninspired.

I have reached the point where I don’t visit the Kmart clearance rack of poor punctuation and shirtless shenanigans unless I receive a notification. (Hmm, wonder if I can assign an ominous tone to it 🤔) But, I digress.

In four days, my subscription to Chapter 2 (a site specifically for widows and widowers) will expire. I shan’t be renewing. Not that I have anything against the site; I’m just, well, tired.

Four days until the finish line.

Still plenty of time for interested suitors to come a-callin’.

So when a message popped up, I took a gander at his profile.

Scott.
Nice-looking Scott.
Normal-message Scott.
Potentially trustworthy Scott.
But… Utah Scott.

For the love of GPS.

When you’re the emotional support airplane for a woman who keeps getting matched with men 1,600 miles away.

My reply was polite.

“Thank you, but 1,600 miles isn’t conducive to building a relationship.”

His response, also cordial, carried the aroma of snowflakes, cocoa, and Hallmark. ❄️☕️💕

“If two hearts connect, no distance is too far.”

Sir. I am 55 years old. Driving down the street to Kroger is too far. 🚗🤷🏼‍♀️

As humorous as “Men without Maps” can be, the truth is —

It makes me sad. I find myself sitting here contemplating if a long distance friendship could be possible. But then I ask, what if he’s another scammer with a decent grasp of grammar?

That right there — that exact emotional seesaw — is the honest human cost of dating in 2025.

It’s not just frustration.
It’s not just annoyance.
It’s not even the exhaustion of dodging Keith Sweat disciples, and men whose job title is “Boss at Self-Employed.”

It’s the sadness beneath the snark.
That little ache of:

“What if he’s real?”
versus
“What if he’s not?”

Ladies, if you’re rowing in this boat too, listen up:

You’re not soft for thinking it.
You’re not foolish.
You’re not naïve.
You’re human.
You’ve lost real love.
You’ve lived real life.
You know what connection feels like — and how rare it is.

So when someone shows up sounding…
normal,
kind,
respectful,
gentle,
and not shirtless in front of the bathroom mirror …
your heart can’t help but tilt its head a little.

Because part of you wants to believe a good man might still exist — even if he’s 1,600 miles away, even if he’s just a pleasant blip in the algorithmic chaos.

But then?

The reality of dating in 2025 barges in wearing a name tag, shouting:

“SCAMMER! FLUNKED GEOGRAPHY & CARTOGRAPHY! TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!”

And you’re left in limbo between hope and heartbreak, without ever having met the man.

It’s the quiet sadness of:

“I don’t want to be played. ”

“I don’t want to be disappointed.”

“I don’t want to waste emotional energy.”

“I don’t want to be fooled.”

“But… what if he was just nice?”

It’s the emotional equivalent of standing at the window watching birds —
one might be beautiful,
but at any moment it could squawk, steal your fries, and fly away.

Still…
there’s something tender in you wanting to believe in friendship.
That’s not weakness.
That’s wisdom wearing softness.
That’s a heart with miles on it — but still open enough to feel.